← Gratitude

Posted on July 19, 2017 by Zakiah

As you all know by now, my trip to London was a bust. The best part was, that I was able to come home!! Actually, the best part was the treatment given to us by our hosts. If it were not for them, I am sure we would have been in bad waters.

We reached London on the morning of Thursday 29th June. Had a great time with my friends, who have settled in London for as long as I have been an expatriate here. We did a little local sight-seeing on Thursday and Friday. There was a huge banquet on Saturday afternoon to celebrate the end of the month of Ramadan. That was 48 hours after we had reached London.

it was a beautiful function, attended by almost two hundred families all from my town of Hyderabad, all dressed up in beautiful clothes, princely men and elegant women. We were seated at a grand table, and in attendance was the prince of Hyderabad, who wanted me to sit next to him. I did for a few minutes, and then realized that he was sort of creepy so moved back to my original place at the table. About 2 pm the appetizers started arriving. (Yes, all meals are delayed, and eaten very leisurely, at odd times.)

Just as the appetizers started making the rounds, I felt like I was sitting in a sauna. I looked around and everyone was happy, talking endlessly, same language all around, and they all looked very comfortable. I touched my forehead, and realized I had started perspiring. I felt like I needed ten pedestal fans around me, but there were none except for the central air conditioning. I decided I needed to get out of that hall, in order to get some fresh air.

I walked out but there was no fresh air there either. I remember holding on to the banister of the stairwell, and hoping I would stop sweating like a horse! Drops of sweat were pouring off my forehead and then I lost consciousness. I don’t know how long I was on the ground where I found myself when I came to. I kept looking at the ground wondering, ‘how did I manage to come down like this on the ground with such fine clothes? Why is my face next to the floor?’ Then I realized that I had probably fainted.

Because of the prosthesis in my left knee, it is very difficult for me to sit on the floor, and hence, like a turtle on its back, I struggled to somehow get up and again stand at the banister; after a couple of minutes, I sat along a ledge of a large glass window. My blouse was drenched in sweat, and I was continuing to perspire, and it looked as if the drops of perspiration kept falling like rain drops from my head, neck, arms and chest. NEVER had anything like this happen to me. I tried to feel my pulse, and it was thread and extremely feeble at best.

About five minutes later my friend Adila came looking for me. “Where have you been. I got worried. I though you were in the toilet, and realized you were gone too long.” I told her that I had fainted. She gasped and touched my arm, which was CLAMMY… ice-cold and wet! She ran to get her husband, who is a retired physician like me, and he catered to me getting me to hydrate myself, and we walked back in to the hall. About ten of fifteen minutes later, I started feeling better, the perspiration improved and because I thought I had a vaso-vagal syncope from stress of travel, improper eating habits, jet lag etc. I forced myself to eat some of the wonderful food they served.

Went home was given aspirin, and rested a little while my hosts started calling consultants about m condition. By this time I was feeling A-OK! Truly. No chest pain, nausea or shortness of breath whatsoever! Even went for a long ride to Central London to view the city at night and took lots of pictures.

I am going to stop here and continue this marathon tonight, and shall post some pictures hopefully.

I am deeply grateful to Janet (slmrt) for the post about my health. I thank each one of you who has commented and sent good wishes and prayers for me.

I am improving I think, and hopefully will not have another nightmarish situation like that again. I intend to write more about the experience in the near future. Don't give up on me yet.

Love you all.

Zakiah.

I am a road at night and
in silence I relive the
memories of the footsteps of the day.

I listen to the heaviness
of the soldiers’ boots,
of the way they hated and killed--

the country praised them
called them heroes--
God, in shame hastens to hide
Its memory under the green grass!

In the morning the sunshine greets
me with a smile. My eyes rain tears
and I continue to talk to my heart!©

ZSA_MD
June 2017.

The orchids are blooming after months of hibernation.

IMG_6589

This one is a rare one. It only gets one bloom but stays alive for weeks at a time.

IMG_6588

I love the speckles on this one. As if someone threw blood all over the white petals. And finally, IMG_6586

I just love this one. The almost pink petals have an orange center. These orchids are among my favorites.

Hope the fathers among my readers had a great day today. Have a great week!

Z. { I am sorry the images cannot be seen here, apparently. They came out just fine on WP}}

The four chambers of my heart
have spread their sails out
to the idle winds, and ask
that they be transported to
the nebulous island of ANYWHERE!

Men cry that they have loved
and they have lost.
I found my love at the edge
of a desert this late in life, and I say
I have loved, and I have won!

My life has found its music and songs-
the wind-laden chambers of my heart
filled with ethereal nectars, revel in
the beauty of EVERYWHERE– and my life,
oh so rich with the love it has won!

ZSA_MD
June 1st 2017.

It has been raining in Quincy for so many days. The weather reminds me of the days in 1993 when the levy was breached and the town was flooded. This time, the rains come in spurts, heavy deluge that makes you stop and take a look at the world outside; and at other times, it is soft continuous pitter patter and the heart sings to the tune of these drops falling on the broad leaves of the trees, mixed with the rumble of soft thunder.

I shut the engine of my car on the way home,
roll up the windows and listen to the rhythm
and music of the rain on the roof of the car,
while my heart sang with the rain.

I close my eyes, and see me seventy years earlier
running out of the house, bare feet, hair flying
around my face, and with arms stretched
sticking my tongue out, so I could taste rain;

The drops of rain roll down along the windows
and the intense desire takes over— I want
to touch this rain; I want the hair to get drenched again.

I open the door and get out; the rain drops bathe my face;
they take my breath away.
I stand there, and realize that there are tears in my eyes.
I pretend to wipe the wind-shield, and see a squad car pull up behind

An officer gets out of his patrol car, all dressed up in rain gear,
“Is there a problem doctor? Do you need a ride home?”
I look at his rain clothes, and say, “No thank you! I had to get out of the car,

just so I could once again feel the rain, like I did when I was at home

Seven decades ago!!”©

Zakiah Sayeed (ZSA-MD).

Posted on May 14, 2017 by Zakiah

I wish all the mothers who are my readers on WP and Xanga, a blessed and happy Mothers Day.
I am sorry ladies, I am not able to upload any photo here.
I hope all of you will celebrate the day with great happiness.

Zakiah.

Posted on May 5, 2017 by Zakiah

Lipstick on the glass.©

For ever and more,
I thought she shared
my life!
Her smiles were for me, and
her love ran in the veins
of my body.

That she would leave me,
I never imagined. She was
the breath within my chest
the heat of love, in the
excursions of my lungs!

One day, she left me. Holding
the wine glass in her fingers
she looked at me and said
goodbye!

Now I look at this empty glass,
impression of her lips at the rim
blood red, and inviting.

This, this alone keeps me company
through the decades of my silences.

{{UIC.. in Eunice’s office while she had her appointment with a colleague for a checkup. April 2017.}}

I was in Chicago this week and retuned home late on Tuesday night. I went to see Eunice and help her out. You all know how sick she as been. The last time I went in early April, she was beginning to look somewhat better, but still very weak and tired, with no appetite.
But this time, I was so happy to see that she had improved almost 90%. Her appetite is back and she is able to walk and doesn't feel dizzy anymore. I had made some Indian food and taken for her, and she actually enjoyed that.
Took her out for a ride and even though the days were all rainy and gloomy and so damp, she looked the better for getting out of the condo. She has started back to work, working half days for three days a week.

I am so charged! I loved this Eunice, and how good she looks. I hope she continues to feel great now.
Just thought I would let you all know. I hope I am able to post this on xanga now... I have tried posting last week about my paintings and flowers but couldn't do it. Kept getting a message, "oops, this page is not available now." I know I still have my xanga membership till the middle of 2018. I have written to Eugenia, but she has not responded.

So here goes.

What do I tell the wind, what do I say to the sky when there is no love on this earth?

I can feel the comfort of the breeze when it touches my eyes, I can tolerate the seeming benevolence of the sky above~

But what do I tell my heart when it tries to reach out and touch the softness of some rosy cheeks,

But pull my hand away --- the cheeks, they have no life in them.

Do I tell my heart,

That there is no love on this earth?

How do I hold the babies who fight to take a breath, or half a breath

When their little bodies convulse from poison?

Why is it that I cannot comfort a young father holding his dead twins, one in each arm--

Whispering tender goodbyes to them as he buries them beside their mother?

Injustices of ages come to roost on innocence

The world watches, and a

A tyrant shrugs his shoulders.

I pray, please God, let my eyes see your retribution!

Zakiah Sayeed ©

As you all know, my son in law David who has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, started the immunotherapy last Friday. For four years he has been under the care of the oncologist, and was treated first with radiation therapy and then the hormone therapy along with Exgiva for the bones. Dave has been feeling quite good mostly. His PSA which was 97 at the time of diagnosis (normal range 0.1 to 4.0), had come down to 0.5. He has been very positive always and continued to work, which meant traveling in his line of work. He played golf and continues to play that whenever we get a good day here.

His PSA started climbing up slowly over the last five or six months. It was 4.0 at the last check up, and the oncologist thought that instead of chemotherapy, he should have the benefit of Immunotherapy. The good cells (immune) are harvested out of his blood, and after the phoresis, which takes about three or four days, are re injected into his system. These cells attack the cancer cells and the therapy continues every two weeks while he is monitored. This comes with some side effects, like tiredness and severe nausea, headache etc..

Dave was tired the first couple of days and slept a lot. But by the afternoon of the second day, he was feeling fit and fine, and not nauseous at all. He ate very well about which I was ecstatic. I had planned to go back to Chicago last Thursday to be with Eunice, and help her and return on Saturday night. I had called Saadi and asked if we all could meet on Sunday the 12th, so we could have her birthday (yesterday the 13th) dinner at our home. but Saadia had said that her birthday was the farthest from her mind, because of the treatment Dave would have got on Friday and she didn't know how he would be feeling..So, I had cancelled my trip to Chicago. Of course Eunice didn't want me to come and wanted me to be with Saadi and give her my support. I am glad I stayed back, and so glad that Dave had a good first session. Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. I thank you all with a humble heart, full of gratitude for the outpouring of love you have shown towards my son in law. Blessings to all of you.

We did celebrate Saadi's birthday yesterday. and the day before. I made some Indian food and took it over to her place on Saturday, and gave her the gifts yesterday.