This post is to let the members know about my efforts to gather some money to donate towards the relief of our Muslim brothers and sisters of Myanmar. I have sold several of my paintings and painted cards, to people in town and around the country.
A big thank you to a few members who have sent me personal emails and others who have called me personally, to encourage me and boost my morale up.
I have had a great response of monetary donations from my Christian friends on my personal blogs… to the tune of almost $1000. .
Many friends from my little town, after reading my post on the social media have sent me checks of several hundreds. I am so grateful for every dollar that I am getting. God willing, by the end of next week I will close the column and send the money out to the Islamic Relief USA.
Again, thank you for your interest and encouragement in my efforts. Your support through words has been great.
Zakiah

I am sorry that I keep harping about these people of Myanmar who are being mercilessly butchered, raped, murdered while they are running away from the Military atrocities, and whose homes (entire villages) are being burnt. I have been thinking these past few weeks as to how I can help them in their misery. Finally decided that I would sell my paintings and my poetry book and send them 100% of what I get (minus) the shipping), to an established organization which is very good in helping these deserving people. I am posting my link here, so you can see the paintings.

I am not a professional artist and will never be one. I know many of my friends are better artists than I could ever claim to be. There are paintings and blank greeting cards. I have sold some of my paintings for $75 and more. I would like to sell the paintings for $75 to $100, but am willing to come down some if anyone is interested. The cards usually go for $5 a piece.
If anyone is interested in buying please contact me on my email address. I am posting a picture of the front cover of my book in case anyone is interested in buying that too. The book costs $20. {{ Xanga is not allowing me to post my book cover. You can google my name and look for Stray Thoughts/Winged Words for the title of the book.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1671684676183477.1073741848.100000258829526&type=1&l=38163eb839

Thank you for your kind attention to this urgent matter.

ZSA.

Eid—The Holiday.

Posted on September 3, 2017 by Zakiah

Yesterday the Muslims of the world celebrated the Eid al Adha, The Holiday of the Sacrifice, commemorating the sacrifice of Prophet Abraham’s obedient response to God’s order of sacrificing his son. This sacrificial agreement by the prophet of course is rewarded by finding a slain lamb instead of his son. The Muslims all over the world celebrate this event by offering a similar sacrifice of a lamb/sheep/camel or cow.

This event coincides with the pilgrimage called Hajj. Several million Muslims gather in Mecca in Saudi Arabia to perform this once in a life time requisite of Islam. Those who have already done The Hajj, or have not gone on the pilgrimage, celebrate the day with prayers at the mosques and getting together with other Muslims and friends and sharing meals.

Yesterday everyone got together here in our home. Usually I have a huge spread with different American and Indian dishes. Due to the set back of my health, the kids didn’t want me to do anything at all. I decided that instead of Indian food, I would get beef tenderloin and bake it, and told the kids to bring a dish to go along with that. However, M’s widowed sister and his brother who live in St. Louis came over the day before; she had brought several Indian dishes along with her.

I got a six pound tenderloin and slow baked it in the oven. Saadia brought a fantastic salad with avocados, almonds, cucumbers, and mixed greens and she made a wonderful light dressing of balsamic vinaigrette. Shelley brought a pasta with pesto sauce, and a most delicious potato casserole. There were cakes and brownies and I had made a typical Indian dessert of vermicelli in cream with slivered almonds.

My sister in law’s son and his wife drove up in the morning in their Lotus car. That was an eye candy to behold! Wish I had taken a picture. In all, I had about 14 or 15 people. We just spread out all over the house and deck, with our plates, and had a wonderful time.

In other news, I am doing better with health. The cardiac rehab is going good, and today I even took a walk outside to Saadia’s home… two blocks. Got a glass of cold water there, and returned home. Felt good.

I took three pictures and saved them to my documents. I am not able to bring them out so I can post them here. Sorry about that.

American history is longer, larger, with great variety; more beautiful, and definitely more terrible than histories of other nations….though, I have to say the UK is or was a close second around the turn of the last century. Remember the atrocities of the empire where the sun never set?? Remember Jalianwala Bagh in India?? Just google it please to know what happened there.

We have all seen the destructive and damaging way that this super power has single handedly alienated the native people of this land, and herded them into Reservations, and we have seen how tragic that is! Somewhere I read that no man consciously seeks evil because it is evil; he only thinks that he is grasping happiness as his ultimate goal….what mistakes we make! What crimes and sins we commit!!

The seed of terrorism grows in the soil of hopelessness, depression and fear; it grows in the soil of poverty, injustice and hunger, and it grows in the black hearts of prejudice! Killing innocent civilians, and occupying countries, exacerbate terrorism. We have seen this happening after the Iraq invasion. Remember the pictures of mothers lifting their hands up to the sky, their mouths open in agony, asking for retribution while the slain bodies of their sons or husbands resting in their laps?? `And you cried with them and for them while their silent screams on the paper went unheeded!

Imagine a world, where America stood for nothing else but humanitarianism, to help and provide for disaster relief… to help the underdogs of the earth…. and imagine, after helping, the Americans waved good bye and left a happy and satisfied country; imagine if that would happen: and then if ever a disaster with terrorism struck the shores of US, the love and support and help will be on our side; the rest of the world would help us and we wouldn’t have to defend ourselves. The rest of the world would do it for us.

What?? You say I am thinking with my heart and not with my brain??? Sure! I am naive.

We were all born with the same grain of humanity, of grace and love. Somewhere while growing up, our values changed. We became selfish and self-centered. We began to look about the differences of equality and oppression. We went against our grain. Look at Trump! What, tell me please, other than his wealth, makes Donald Trump the deity of vulgarity, worth being mentioned in a column of a respectable newspaper?? Does he have an iota of humanity in him? The mosque in Minnesota was bombed. Did we hear from him? Did he talk about living in peace, and loving neighbours and say he was sorry to the Muslims of that community for the prodigious calamity they faced? No he didn’t. At least not that I saw in any newspaper, condemning this act of terrorism and violence. Why? Because he has lost the finesse of the valued grain of humanity from his soul. That he is evil, I understand. But, I don’t believe that any man willingly and consciously chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for the happiness he seeks, and thinks that he can rejoice in the outcome.

And fools walk brazenly where angels fear to tread!

We cannot feel the pain and the anguish of a man who is being crushed. The man crushing the other, feels nothing. He is going after his goal of acquiring leadership. Unless one has placed oneself on the side of the oppressed, to feel with them, one cannot understand, the feeling of being terrorized, of being ridiculed, of being de-humanized, of being treated with prejudice.

Let’s hope that there is a better game than war…. Nuclear or not! Let’s hope that we do not terrorize each other so much that two foolish ego maniacs would think that playing a war game is good for their country and for their own plausible and credible morale, if they have any!!

I apologize for the length of this post. It had been a long time coming.

I know a lot of us think that nothing bad can happen to us. If anything bad happens, it happens to someone else. This thought process is an ongoing thread in everyone's mind. Physicians are worse. They think nothing can go wrong with them. If there is a slight problem, they think that they can take care of it with the super knowledge that they have.
I was in the same boat. Meh! Nothing will happen to me. I have taken care of thousands of patients in the 35 years that I practiced. I know all the signs and symptoms! Blah blah and more blah!

I needed to be put in my place. I needed to come down to ground zero! And boy did I ever!! When I passed out in London and found my face next to the floor, I was confused..."Why in God's name is my face so close to this floor?" Never suspected an MI. NEVER!

Shows how ignorant physicians can be sometimes!

Anyway, I had my angioplasty done on Monday. My original appointment was for 6:30 in the morning. I requested a later time, to allow us to drive down to St. Louis (a 2 hour drive without the hassle of traffic).I was given a 9 am time. We (Saadia and Sayeed) reached there at 8:15. The case that was being done at 6:30 got into complications, and it took them 5 hours to finish it. I did not have anything to eat since Sunday night. And that was okay, I just pretended that it was Ramadan and I was fasting!!

At 1 pm I was told that it would take them three and half to four hours for my case. That means it would be close to six before I get out of the catheterization lab, and then I would have to wait for two to three hours in a state of immobility, before I could have my head raised up to eat some food! I just resigned myself to that fact and tried to be cool with it.

I was wheeled in around 1:30, and was given all kinds of medications etc. It was really cool watching and hearing the surgeons conducting their procedure. Really cool. After about two hours I asked Dr. Lasala, how everything was going, and he said, "Oh Dr. Ali, we are almost done. You had more than one blockage. We have put stents and opened the vessels up, and dilated some narrowing elsewhere. He had a surgeon flown in from Chicago to do the tandem procedure, going through both the femoral arteries. One of them went through the patent collaterals on one side and the other went through the main vessels... anti and retro grade flow.

I saw the CD later, and where as there were blocks where the dye couldn't go before, now with the stents in the way my blood danced its way in the open artery; reminded me of a mountain stream. So alive and full of vigor.

I was exhausted, physically and emotionally the next day and slept almost the entire day. The children brought food and forced me to eat something, and then I was back in bed. Yesterday was a slightly better day. Today, I am able to stand straight, and walk all over the house. There are lots of restrictions as to what I can do and what I definitely can not do, for the next seven days, and I have been good about following those restrictions.

Finally, now that my saga is over, I humbly lower my head with my palms pressed together to thank you, each one of you for your thoughts, prayers and good wishes. All your positive vibes lifted my heart and my spirit. Without your help and support, this arduous emotional journey would have been impossible.

THANK YOU MY DEAREST FREINDS. BLESSINGS AND GOOD FORTUNE ATTEND YOU.

Just a quick note to say that the procedure will be on Monday the 7th, at 9 in the morning.

I am hoping that I will be fit as a fiddle afterwards and will be rearing to go with writing on Xanga and WP. Thank you all for your loving support.

Physicians are known to be snobs. Notoriously. I know some of them. But there are others who are genuine and follow the Oath of upholding the ethics of helping and being kind to patients.
Case in point---
I was told by my cardiologist here, that I needed stent for my right Coronary Artery, because even though I had good collaterals from the left, I was symptomatic with shortness of breath and tiredness. He arranged for me to see a Cardiology specialist, Dr. John Lasala, who specialized in intervention. He also said that he sent his difficult cases to him in St. Louis and was very satisfied with the results.
I asked that I first talk to him and have him answer my questions that I had.
Last week, Dr. Lasala’s office called and said, “Dr. Ali, we have you scheduled for your stent procedure on the 7th of August.
I was disturbed. I told her that I needed to first meet with him and talk to him and see what kind of a person/doctor he is. She told me that he didn’t have outpatient clinic, and all he did was these procedures all the time! BUT, she went on to say, that he could call me and talk to me. I said that was fine, and was given a 10 O’clock time on Thursday morning.
I fretted and fidgeted, because I didn’t know what kind of a guy he was, and what he would think of calling a patient to talk to. Like I said, most physicians are snobs and have an attitude that can reach the heights of Eiffel Tower! I couldn’t sleep on Wednesday night. Got all my questions written out, and knew that he would perhaps call me, but maybe I would be kept waiting--- instead of ten, he would call me at 11 or in the afternoon.
At three minutes to ten on Thursday morning, the phone rang; it was his office, and he was ready to talk to me! Really??? I was impressed.
He had the most calming voice and allowed me to ask all the questions without interrupting me, and explained the procedure so thoroughly. He said he would work in tandem, with his partner, and both of them would be performing the procedure. Told me what kind of stents he would be using, and for how long he had been practicing etc.
He was so good to me. No attitude, no snobbishness, but genuine and down to earth etc. I was so relieved after talking to him, that I went to bed and slept for three hours straight!!
So that’s the story. The procedure is set for the 7th. I don’t know the time yet. They will call me on Thursday or Friday and tell me about that.
Hope everything goes well. Just thought I would let you all know.

You and I were one and the same.
I felt your beats, as you smiled at my breath
you wanted me to feel life, and
I played every game possible.

Respect, love and compassion
you filled in every pore of my being.
You promised me that you would
hold my hand, and let me reach giddy heights

A month ago, you betrayed me.
You let me fall, lose my dignity
not caring that I did all you’d asked me to do;
I had walked with you for miles

Played tennis and golf, and sweated
while you hammered the drums in my chest
encouraging me, cheering me on
until last month.

You clammed up!
Locked one of the doors and blocked
my entrance into your private chambers.
You gave me a heart attack……literally!

Such betrayal from a true and trusted soul mate!!

ZSA.

July 26, 2017 Written after my heart attack

Once I realized that I had no say in the matter, I resigned myself to the fact that I had to go to the hospital and have my problem taken care of. I called Humana my supplemental insurance company at home, and informed them, packed a small overnight bag, and went to the local Hillingdon Hospital.

The place was packed with patients, waiting to be seen by the triage nurses or the ER physicians. I waited in line for almost half hour before I could be seen by a triage nurse, despite the fact that I had a letter in my hand from the consultant that I had had a heart attack and that I should be seen by the ER physician immediately and admitted. After about half hour when my turn came, the nurse whose attitude was on the top of The Seeing Eye of London, had no time for me. She was asking me all sorts of questions as to why I was there, (as if I was faking my problem, just to be seen by her august majesty!), and what was the reason for admission etc. After explaining to her again and again about the setback I had with my health, she finally took the letter from the consultant; I was told to wait right there, and she disappeared into the bowels of that place. Returned after twenty minutes and asked that I follow her. We were taken into the ER part of the hospital. Never once did she ask me if I needed some assistance, like wheel chair or anything.

Once inside the ER and a cubicle, things started happening. A cannula was inserted in my vein and IV medication started to bust the platelet aggregation etc. Three hours later, I was transferred to an “Acute Medical Unit!” It consisted of a large hall with ten beds in it, separated by shower curtain like plastics. There was no question about privacy, HIPPA, or care for the patient. Each bed had about three or four visitors, sitting around talking loud, and the nurses were questioning the patients all personal details about their home lives, bowel habits, sugar problems etc. etc. Nobody spoke softly, even the nurses! Every one was loud and the cacophony was nerve wracking! This went on till about 12:30 in the night. Finally I called the nurse and asked for an eye cover so I could block the fluorescent lights in the room, and ear guards to block the noise of the visitors and the nurses. I asked them if there was no “quiet time for the patients to rest!” At that, the nurse stood in the middle of the room and yelled for all the visitors to leave, because some patients want to sleep!! I wanted to crawl into the ground!

In the morning was taken to the cardiac hospital around 11 by ambulance, where the situation was more professional. A couple of hours after admission there, I was taken to the cardiac cath lab, and an angiogram was done. I was told that I had a complete blockage of my right coronary artery, in the proximal part (Where the artery came out of the Aorta), and the catheter couldn’t be passed through the clot! I had such an out of body experience at that time. I really thought that I would be completely free of problem, and my blood vessels would be normal. I was not scared, not shocked, not stunned, just a “hmmm, is that so?” kind of feeling. Then I was told that because I had good collaterals, I did not need the stents put in, and that I was free to fly back home! I was ready to kiss the guy.

I am showing an angiogram picture of the blood vessel that is blocked in my heart as I write this. Hopefully, I will get a stent in the near future and have the blood supply restored as is seen in the second image here. I took these two images from google.

Looks like I am not able to upload the image from Google here. Sorry about that.

Image result for diagram of blockage of proximal right coronary artery.

I am waiting to go to St. Louis next week to see a super specialist there who does stenting of difficult cases. Apparently, my blockage was happening over several months, and the last straw was on that Saturday when the lumen was completely closed. The clot was too hard to put the catheter tip through, and personally I think, that they didn’t want to, to avoid complications. This was just well and good by me, and I appreciated that. I didn’t want to stay there one day more than was necessary.

So now I have started cardiac rehab, and am feeling like a wet rag. Sleeping a lot. But, the best thing is there is no fear. Nothing; not at all! Very Zen about it all. Enjoying the solitude at home. M is away in New York having fun with his brother. Saadia and Sayeed check up on me two or three times a day, bring me food which I really do not need, there is so much in the fridge already, and I have my books to keep me company. Continuing my painting, and hoping to finish editing my book for publication this year yet!

So that’s it dear friends. To all of you, who have written personally, have sent such GORGEOUS flowers and for the loving wishes of care and compassion, I am deeply and humbly grateful.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU AND AGAIN, THANK YOU.

Hope you know how much I love all of you.

London Trip (2)

Posted on July 20, 2017 by Zakiah

As I said in my last post, I felt so much better, within about a half hour after the ‘event’. Blood pressure taken at home, was somewhat high, mine is always very low, and that was another thought I had when I had the syncope, that perhaps my pressure had bottomed out for some reason and that was the reason I couldn’t feel my pulse. And now at home, the pressure reading of 138/86 was considered high by me. BUT, I was feeling better. My host wanted to take me to the ER. But he told me that going there would mean that I would have to wait for 6 to 7 hours to be seen by anyone, because of the fact that it was a weekend. And if I were to be seen at all, it would be by an intern managing the ER, because the Attendings and the Consultants did not do any work over the weekend. And because I had started feeling good, and because I was sure that it was a vasovagal syncopal event, and because doctors are the worse patients, I opted to wait till Monday!!

My classmates from medical school came to visit me on Sunday. Originally the plan was to meet them at the Kew Gardens in London and spend the day with them and with their spouses. But on Saturday, I called and talked to them and informed them about the setback that I had and they all came over to see me in Middlesex where we were staying with Adila and her husband Arif. It was a good reunion, and we all were laughing about the vasovagal syncope that I had, and how I was pretending to draw attention to myself etc. etc. They took all of us out to a South Indian restaurant in South Hall, a predominantly vegetarian venue. Had a great lunch amidst lots of laughter and camaraderie.

Later that night, Arif took me and M for a ride to Central London to see the city by night. Stopped at various landmarks and I was in and out of the car taking pictures of different things and places. While I realized that I had no pain or symptoms of angina, I did feel some discomfort as if there was a feeling of buzz in my chest. I had felt that for many months prior to the event, and also the shortness of breath. I always put it behind my thoughts; considering those symptoms to be age related.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Arif called the consultant on Monday morning, and tried to get me in. Of course there was no way to get in on such a short notice that same day. So I was given a 4 pm appointment on Tuesday, the 4th of July… three full days after my spell. The best thing was that this guy’s office was on WIMPOLE STREET! Do you all remember the Barretts of Wimpole Street? Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett Browning the poets of Wimpole Street?? OMG! I was so excited to go to that street, not to see the cardiologist, but to just walk on the ground of that hallowed street.

The Cardiologist was a young Indian man. He did an EKG, and drew some blood for electrolytes. The EKG was normal. I saw it, and it did not look any different from the ones I have had before. We had a long chat and he concurred with me, that it was probably a vasovagal episode due to the stress of travel, jet lag, irregular hours of eating etc. BUT, just before I left his office, he said, “DR. Ali, just to be safe, and for our peace of mind let us do a Troponin level.” At that all kinds of bells started tinging in my head. I just stared at him, as if to say, “How dare you!”

Troponin is a very specific cardiac enzyme, and tells you if there is an injury to the heart. The normal range is 0.01 to 0.03. Anything over and above is considered a suspicion or a definite cardiac event. So I subjected my self to another blood draw, and thanks to National Health System, the results are not seen immediately as we have here. (We get our results within 15 minutes to an hour) But the doctor told me that he really didn’t expect any problem and that I could go back, and he would call us the next day with the result of the blood work.

I was feeling fine on Wednesday morning. So Adila and I took off to go shopping. I had not done one iota of any kind of shopping for my children or grandchildren. I was excited to get a few things at the specialty stores there. We were in the store about 10:30 and had just started selecting a few clothes, when Arif came barging in to the store. He had driven from home and was looking for us in different stores. He looked at us, and said,

“Zakiah, I have bad news for you. The consultant called a few minutes after you left. You have had an MI. Your Troponin level is 2,500!! At first I thought he was joking. Two thousand five hundred?? I had never seen that high a result ever! Then he reached over and hugged me, saying, “I am sorry dear friend, but the consultant is very concerned, and he is arranging for a room at the local A&E (Accident and Emergency) hospital, and you will be transferred to the cardiac hospital in London proper for an angiogram and stents.”

I think I was out of my own body at that time. I was in a zone. I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak and couldn’t focus on anything. We got home and I talked to the consultant myself, and told him, “Listen, I do not want to go through the procedure here. I will start myself on Beta blockers and Ace inhibitors, continue with aspirin, and go home and get things done in my country. The guy said, “I very strongly advise against that. I will not allow you to be taking such a dangerous step.” Pfffttt!

Let me finish this tomorrow. Isn’t this so horrible?? What a nightmare!